Posted by Guest Reviewer
Mon, 21 Dec 2009 09:42:00 GMT
[This is a guest review and interview by Fuzz.]
How does one begin to describe Dildo Tank? Is it a porn game? Is it a brilliant re-invisioning of the side-scrolling shooter? Is it a meditation on the eternal differences between man and woman? A philosophical treatise on stupidity versus wrong-headedness?
Dildo Tank is all of these things and more. The latest collaboration of Jazzuo and Amon26, it opens with an awe-inspiring duet between the two artists, culminating in the final, repeated lyric, “you are weak in the knees”. Here the option is presented to play the game in either normal or censored mode. If you click on censored, the vaginas will be blurred out, as part of an attempt by Jazzuo to make all his games family friendly, regardless of subject matter (see Boobza Sports for US Kids). Proceeding to the first story screen, we learn that a man named Joon has need of our pilot skills in order to help destroy the women with no heads, who are trying to destroy mankind. From here on, the goal is simple: shoot your nude adversaries with poison dildos in order for their vaginas to absorb the harmful chemicals contained within these phallic objects. The implementation, however, is rather difficult, as you will be forced to confront all manner of giant naked women, including ones with spiked boots, laser shooting vaginas, and drills for feet.
Jazzuo’s work may be crude, but it shows a keen eye for design. The stages are carefully constructed to gradually acclimate the player to greater and greater amounts of spikes and enemies. Technique is taught through accidental experience; every player is sure to notice soon enough that the feet of the women should be ridden upon in order to more easily target them and avoid the spikes. One section in particular forces the player to ride a horde of women across a field of lethal spikes, while still attempting to shoot them. The choice has to be made: should I kill the women right away, or allow them to carry me across this spike field? Each new type of enemy is first introduced as a boss, with more health than they would normally have. The whole experience feels as though it was intended to be exactly as it is.
The graphics, while sub-par, are charming, and it is obvious that a fair amount of work went into them. The music perfectly suits the atmosphere of the game and again showcases Amon26’s stellar compositional skills. Jazzuo’s sound effects, entirely composed of his own grunts and squeals, are exceptional. The story is revealed in small portions through intermission text, as the main character’s instant messenger communications with his friends or enemies. I was not able to learn of the conclusions made by the game, as I was incapacitated by a large woman with a metal thong covering her genitals, but what I did see impressed me, as it explored much more than would be expected for a game with such a premise.
The game is available for download here, while the trailer can be viewed here.
Jazzuo, the creator of Sexy Hiking, Star Wars: Episode VII, and Hermies, would like to tell you about the two games he created with Mo’Minis, a platform for rapid development of mobile games. (via TIGForums)
A video explaining the game mechanics behind “Hermies,” jazzuo’s entry to the B-Game Competition!
The B-Game Competition has been a resounding success so far. All the entries look amazing and we’re having “tons o’ fun” on the forums. (Yes, I’m trying to make you feel silly for not having signed up yet! Why haven’t you!)
One thing I’ve been really happy about is how differently people have interpreted the theme and yet they’re still staying true to the basic concept behind “B-Games.” The entries run the gamut, from action games, to text adventures, to… Petri Purho’s word processing simulator which requires the use of a microphone?!
So you know how in Dead Rising, when you take photos, it tells you the genre? EROTICA! DRAMA! BRUTALITY! OUTTAKES! Yeah, we got ALL that, baby.
Even jazzuo, who’s amazing Sexy Hiking inspired the competition, is now getting in on the act (see the above video)!
This is your official reminder that there are exactly two weeks left to submit your game. I also wanted to let you guys know that I putting up an awesome “Making Of Grindhouse” book and a CD version of MDickie’s latest masterpiece, Reach, as the prizes for first place!
Hit the extended for a list of all the current entries:
I only have one criteria for Star Wars games, and that is “do I get to feel like a badass Jedi (or Sith Lord)?” Can you blame me, then, for being disappointed with 90% of the Star Wars games out there? Seriously, Lucasarts, what’s wrong with you? The lightsaber is the sweetest weapon ever invented, and all you guys can think about is X-Wings and pod racing. It’s sickening.
(I make an exception for Tie Fighter. That game was great.)
Well, anyways, many thanks to wourme for bringing to my attention Star Wars Episode VII, a game that does an amazing job of making me feel like a badass Jedi! The game is by Jazzuo, the creator of Sexy Hiking, so you know you are in good hands… strange hands. Molestuous hands.
The way you control your lightsaber is, funnily enough, similar to how you wield your hammer in Sexy Hiking, except you can use the left and right mouse buttons to swing the saber around in your hand. It feels really good once you get the hang of it. Not only that, but the visuals and audio are spot on. Sending a shower of sparks flying when you scrape the wall or lock sabers with an opponent (sha-ching!) is amazing.
With Jazzuo you can expect a couple of other things: 1. Really rough graphics (although they’re much more refined than in SH), and 2. extreme difficulty. You can get cut down quickly in this game, and you often have a Wookieload of lasers and lightsabers flying at you at the same time. Save points are sparse past the training levels, which are pretty brutal themselves (but also very cool). Still, like with SH, getting ahead in this game is pretty satisfying. Like hunting your own dinner. Or blowing up the Death Star with a single pair of proton torpedoes.
This game is amazing. Download it now before I “forth” choke you. Oh yeah, and one more thing: “best title screen music EVER.” I mean that.
I predict that Sexy Hiking will be (is) a polarizing game. I think it’s going to break down like this: 90% of the people who play the game are going to be horrified by the shit graphics and profane difficulty, and dismiss it as having no redeeming value. 9% are going to get somewhere in the game and appreciate the unique game mechanics and maybe even the inherent humor in it. The last 1% will probably praise the game as pretentious abstract art, calling it the “canonical masterpiece of the Neo-Expressionist Game Movement” or some such nonsense.
Well, as it is with these things, I prefer to think of it as being a little bit of everything. The game definitely has terrible graphics, and when you open the title screen, you’ll think it’s a joke (X-Files theme song in midi format?). And it is extremely difficult… getting past the first obstacle in the game is like playing that board game “Operation” with a pair of pliers. But maybe that’s what makes this game so engaging… the fact that every new area seems totally impossible at first, and there is NOTHING THERE TO HELP YOU SAVE YOUR OWN GRIT. Making ground in this game is grueling, and the satisfaction is paired with equal amounts of frustration.
It’s actually kind of refreshing to see, in this day and age where every game has to hold your hand and breastfeed you until you’re three-fourths of the way through the game.
