Van Damnation

Posted by Derek Yu Sun, 26 Aug 2007 05:18:00 GMT

van damnation

In issue #192 of Electronic Gaming Monthly, web funnyman Seanbaby penned a feature titled “The Worst T.V. Games of All Time.” In the intro to this feature, he made this statement:

I rated the 10 worst ones of all time. Each game got an Accuracy rating. This score is out of 10; a score of 1 would be the equivalent of a game about Frasier that isn’t about making out with your own brother, and a score of 10 would be for a game based on Jean-Claude Van Damme which uses only two buttons—one to do the splits and another to punch someone in the dong.

I’m here to tell you, in the spirit of The B-game Competition, that the Van Damme game WAS MADE, and it is called Van Damnation. It was put out two years ago as a limited release, but, with Oddbob’s help, it is now being made available to the public once again. Rocky, the creator of the game, is also the mastermind behind another classic B-game – Pillar Killer.

(Now if only someone would make a game based off of either 1. Bloodsport, 2. Hard Target, or 3. both.)

ProTip: Read the readme or you will not get anywhere in this difficult game of timing and dong punches!

Download here (from Oddbob) or here (from me). The game is 2 megabytes large.

Posted in , , , ,  | 13 comments

Comments

  1. Hooker with a penis said about 1 hour later:

    Damnit! If there’s something involving “Van Dam” - I’M THERE!

  2. Hooker with a penis said about 1 hour later:

    Ok, there. Done! But I have some critisism, due the lack of Van Dam’s trademark maneuver (even more so than the “nut-puch”): THE JUMPING SPLIT-KICK a.ka: ‘the ballet-kick’. I demand compensation!

  3. Paulie Mindless said about 6 hours later:

    Holy pieces of cow, it is really one of the worst games I have ever played. And I loved it! Sound effects are amazing. Yep. Van damn me.

  4. Joseph said about 6 hours later:

    WTF that little piece of shit boss at the end of lvl 2 is HARD RRRRR! And the soundbites are hilarious and I really like the lvl intro music and punching people in the nads is hilarious :)

  5. Paulie Mindless said about 7 hours later:

    The boss is actually a really easy one, you just need to jump or split, so he is in far ahead of you and keep the distance till the finish line =]

  6. Kenzya said about 8 hours later:

    Or you just keep doing the splits until you reach the finish line. It worked for me.

    One weird bug though.. After I passed the finish line that boss did damage to me so I was at 0 health for the rest of the game.

  7. Paulie Mindless said about 8 hours later:

    Wow< this game is really complicated, it even has some bugs.

  8. contra said about 8 hours later:

    But theres already a game based on Bloodsport! It’s called “Mortal Kombat” ;)

  9. Joseph said about 9 hours later:

    for reals

  10. Eudaimon said about 11 hours later:

    It crashes for me after the third level. Otherwise, amusing.

  11. Noyb said about 21 hours later:

    Crashed for me after the third level as well on Vista. Surprisingly fun.

  12. Blueberry_pie said 1 day later:

    Crashed here too, but I doubt that was unintentional. Games made with MMF really only crash when the developer fucks up big time, but I don’t think that’s the case with a simple - yet damn awesome - game like this. MMF actually easily allows you to end your game with a crash dialog.

  13. r0cko said 4 days later:

    I’m famous at last :]

    Thanks guys, lol

    I got more games and shit on my GGE profile:

    http://www.greatgamesexperiment.com/user/r0cko

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